I wish my kind would believe more in happy ever afters and fairy tale endings. But we are the good old realists. The fatalists that live by the events of the day, not looking for too many worries, and with no patience to set flowery, meandering paths leading to the perfect ending. I cannot find an explanation for why I am this way! It is probably a self-assumed defensive strategy to prevent myself from spending time over finding solutions to trivial matters of the ensuing days. Facing life as it comes has been an adventure in itself.
There are very few things that matter to me. And very few people in my life, that I have refused to let go. Being overtly amicable, I have scores of friends, but if you insisted, I could name in seconds the people that really mattered- they are that few. Its an inbuilt programming system- though heavily flawed, cannot be purged.
One of those few things that matter happen to be trust- or the lack of it. I realized today how easy it is for me to stop loving an individual no matter what they meant to me earlier, the moment i realize there are evidenciary circumstances of them being untrustworthy. It stems mostly from the fact that it is so difficult for me to not be a trustworthy individual, and even more so to lie.
I have always been afraid of my ability to stop loving- and have often times found myself in internal battlefields with myself over questions of injustice to the person in question. But this week has changed it all. I feel blessed, I can carry forward and leave unfaithful components behind. It sure must be a defensive strategy, which I am grateful to have somehow imbibed over time.