We have come a full circle, haven't we? From losing so many parts of ourselves to things we failed to comprehend, coming real close to finding ourselves only to realize that a part of us will eternally be incomplete and incomprehensible- even to ourselves.

Nothing can fill me up in entirety, not a passion, not another human being and much in contrary to what I had believed for the longest time- not even my solitude. This has been my greatest realization in the recent past. That a lot of my life will be spent in pandering to the needs of that incomplete self, tirelessly searching and hoping to find something that will make me feel whole. Complete.

I've been struggling to understand my emotions lately. A lot of it deal with loneliness - something I haven't felt in the longest time. This fight with myself has been exhausting- these demons are no strangers to me, creeping up to my soul, crawling within my body making their presence known at every second of my being. How much and for how long can one fight themselves? As long as the dark sides of my mind want a home in me, I've decided to let them stay. Like an old friend you don't agree with anymore, but cannot let go. The decision in itself feels somewhat freeing- knowing that there is one less enemy to fight in this big bad world of nothing.

 I've, once again, taken my ineptitude of untangling myself to writing. You know, if nothing great comes out of this life of mine, at least I can say I had the power of speaking to a blank sheet of paper.