Monday, 18 November 2013

Once touched, and forever forgotten
In a journey that knows no bounds
No distances, limits or crowds
Once touched, and forever forgotten.

Friday, 1 November 2013

Stay still time!
After all this while, after what has seemed "forever", don't pass us by as we stand still waiting for you to halt.
Stay still, time!

Monday, 14 October 2013

Parallel worlds

Imagine there were to be a parallel world of parallel actions for every choice we made.

Another world, with you and I. 

Would we have met? Would I be happy without you there? Would I have let myself fall deep in your awe? 

Encapsulates in words things I could never have said.. or wouldn't let myself say!
Also, the most beautiful piece of writing I've read in the longest while.

"I will not go to war for you. The rival would be a soft thing whose worst crime was more comforting that my best deed. I see you look at her and the dust blows away from my breast. I’ve spent too much time not learning the color of your eyes to finally do so when they are waterlogged and veined. For now, your eloquence is enough, almost too much, a soft finger stroking a deviant hair away from my brow.

I’m not anti-social, darlin’. I’m just a fan of the grassy alternative to the battle field, even with its garter snakes and spider webs. Do you fancy wild flowers? I’ll return with a bouquet one day.

My hands are stiff from the rust of previous campaigns waged with the sternum’s shield. Some reluctant, others driven by something unstoppable which almost resulted in me believin’ in God, Cupid, and the Easter Bunny. I am unscathed yet there is an indention in my bed, which I enjoy both occupied and vacant; for the first time in a year, I can stretch onto those threadbare floral sheets, gazing past my sinking ceiling, the stammering celestial light-years above, and into my own dreams, my sleep logged with fantasies of incomplete characters.

Including you.Today, I wondered what would have happened if we’d met one year earlier; if I was the one who removed your earmuffs, making your ears vulnerable to the blinding realism of both equality and lust; whispered that taboo word, “forever”, into your ear; held your hand on a cobblestone pedestrium while making sure all five athletic fingers were still intact; charmed your parents.

One year earlier? I would’ve begged  for two more; the time to wander away and develop into something better, more fit. In this space between wist and contentment, I’ve fallen for someone which isn’t you: Fate, her uneven warrior legs racing around the clock, still managing to outrun the three of us. I will not go to war for you."

-Fonseca del sur

Saturday, 12 October 2013


"Will you please come? I want you to be there."
"How long will we take?"
"Two hours, now come!"
"No, Work."

"So when do we leave"
"Very early. I'd call you as soon as we wake up. Let's do this."

"Come down!"
"Why now? You can't ask me now. Its too late!"
"Long night yesterday, we are up only now. Come on over."

"Pack the right things- keep it all, clothes, socks, shoes, no money."
"I'll take the money, I'm keeping my wallet."

"Let's get down here."
"I'm hungry as f***"

"Two puris, two *fill name of wierd local dish*, *Screams FIVE CHAAAI"

"For the first time in my life, I love a dog."
"I can hear her howling. She's looking for us."
"She can't make it, leave her behind."
"Man, I hope she got back home."

"Can you believe this?"
Are we in heaven? This is better. This is paradise. I call this paradise"

"Remember this. Close your eyes. Take it all in. Capture it in your memories."
"No, we are not going to forget this."

"Will you write about this, from the very beginning?"
"Write? Why?"
"Our memories are in these moments, and I'm glad I spent them with you guys.
And these memories we made today, they are in our minds. Write about them, let them stay".

"I'm glad we had this journey. I'm glad it was with you.
At this time, this place, these people and you.
That is why this is too beautiful. Too beautiful to be true."

So here's to us, till I finally decide to write. till i find the right words to aptly  describe our little adventures in so many more heavens on earth.

Right and Wrong.

What's right? What's wrong? When, and how did we permit ourselves be so consumed by the superficiality around us that we started judging? Judging people by their deceitful appearances, moments by minutes, memories by pictures..

What's right and what's wrong?What are the standards? Who set them for us?

Factors of our accidental birth, a society so exhausted in gauging by superficiality, or the accidental choices that we have made?

What if I told you this: There's no right, there's no wrong. If there's anything, there are perspectives. There is happiness and there is sadness that comes out of an act. If you are happy, you are doing pretty damn right.

Do not let your fate be written by those who failed to write their own.

Sunday, 22 September 2013

Stay at War

I have come to learn that the only battle that you will have to fight, the only war that you should intentionally wage is the one against yourself. The real test is to be in control. Because you are going to be only as happy as your let yourself be, only as successful as your let yourself take that one chance, try that one last time.

I  disagree with the notion that life is too short to spend another day at war with yourself. The moment our internal  battles end, life loses its purpose.

Saturday, 21 September 2013

Promise me that when I'm gone, as I will be , my promises to stay, and to stay by your side forever will not be disdained.

That the castles of memories we built together, that we kept close guard of, and our coveted, precious moments will not be despised.

That you'd know, I left because I had to leave, and there was not enough strength to forge ahead,and I'd have stayed against all odds if only the sparks still stayed.

Promise me, with all you have, that I will no more be an essential, and that you will live, and live the life that you truly deserve.
What explains why  I wind up at your door each time I try to find myself?

When I relentlessly seek to belong, love, why are YOU my home?

Thursday, 19 September 2013

Under a blanket of pitch black
studded by the yellow, the white, the blue
I have caught myself staring
With gleamy eyes into nothingness
Losing myself in the lone star among constellations
In the beauty of its solitude
The stories it dwells in
The pictures it lives by
The dreams its consumed by.

I stare at it often
And in hopeful dismay
Of your existence
 In some world out there
You caught by the same solitary star
I hope to myself,
that you will  think of me
As i do of you
As I do of us
That these distances,
These painful longings
We will traverse in our  thoughts!
At least in thoughts.

Wednesday, 18 September 2013

Because a part of my world has always dwelled in you.
A part of me that I never knew existed.
And now that you're here, and have shown me our world, this world I dwell in matters little.
Listen close as I tell you one last time.
Where you and I exist, in our happiness I survive.

Sunday, 1 September 2013

I have come to learn that the road to happiness is pretty simple.

Analyze less.
Surround yourself with the people that value you; those who  make you happy.
Follow your heart, go for it.
When things that you always wanted to do appear before you, do it.

Above all, chase your passions. Mercilessly. 

Have you ever met those people that grow onto you so quick that you don't realize how you let them be an inevitable part of your being?

Do you have those people too, that have been so much a part of you for so long that obligations cease to exist.. that no matter how little time you spend together or how rarely you let your emotions flow they remain to be the crux of your happiness?

Have these two parts of your lives refused to love or accept each other?

Wednesday, 28 August 2013


I've tried my hardest possible to explain. But I don't seem to comprehend the littlest of any of it.

But then again, how does one explain phenomena as abstract and as endearing as these? How does one describe in a few worthless words  inexplicable, unadulterated  beauties such as first love, the sunrise, a baby's laugh or a mother's love?

You're going have to deal with it, love; deal with your underrated  beauty while the rest of us try, but always in vain, to give them words or strokes of colored ink or captures of pixels and bits.

Monday, 26 August 2013

Floating Hopes.

This is where I'd rather have been today.. random doodle during the Urban Design class. 

Sunday, 25 August 2013

I can feel it!
You, and you alone; in a darkness of your own!
Murmering to yourself,
Analyzing the things gone wrong;
the things you could have set right.
I can hear you murmering, in a voice so quaint
That your fire has been extinguished
That your light has long gone.

But don't you see?
Don't you see the rest of the world,
Walking in the brightness of a light that you have spread?

Saturday, 24 August 2013

When I am done with all there is to do, when I am left free from obligations, I will let my life be consumed by my passion for you.
I hope true love finds me then; my true love for penning these silly words down.
I hope it takes me to places far away; places of green and blue, of unearthy big boxes growing from the earth, of mountains and Valleys, of seas and beaches.
Most of all, I hope I will have you in me all along. That when I sit inside a lonely cottage in a land that only i'm familiar to, you will flow out of me and together we will tell the world of our unspoken tales.

Thursday, 22 August 2013


Do you see the recurring shades of gray, on this  canvas of mine?

Fill them now..with hues of blue and shades of red.

With my memories of you, and the life we led!

Wednesday, 21 August 2013

Amongst a seemingly perfect world,  I caught a glimpse of a flawless you and wondered...
Are you hiding your imperfections too?

Monday, 19 August 2013


As I painfully sketched the portrait of the lady torn in pain, dressed but ill-clad, rich in  hunger and poverty, I reminisced your unparalleled passion for painting.
Landscapes basking in the glory of the sun setting half way across the blue skies that gave in willingly to the radiance of the red- a beauty only you could imagined.. The solitary bird of prey taking flight, boldly and fearlessly across the hefty mountains that stood in an exalting pride.. The cattle grazing in the vast expanses of green shiny by sun's rays hitting the unassuming morning dew..
Though you depicted joy and relentless hope for a better future, years back while you wreathed in pain and tore your insides in agony I knew less.
Now that I'm no more ten, now that I'm almost as old as you are when you dreamed of a life with me in it, I understand.
The way you sketched bright landscapes gleaming of hope and joy and taught me lessons that no one else, in no other way could have, I will sketch for you.
For our sake, in them, veiled sorrows and hidden pain will exist no more.
They'll speak only of the universe of beauty you took my world into.


Lulled by the rhythm of you, awed by the music in you, I find myself pondering.
The green has come alive; the blue is vibrant by your touch.
A year's time is too long a wait!
Keep the tunes humming, stay for a little longer.

Monday, 12 August 2013

Amplify His Grace on your ever radiant face a multifold!

Wednesday, 7 August 2013

Stark Miles

Dad, mom, sis. We might have a lot of miles untraversed. But I promise you, my heart's with you and only you. Every day of my being, every second of my existence it beats relentlessly in the memories of us; in the dear hope that soon enough we will all be together creating more of them.
Its alright for the night..  won't be long till the stars get tired and the sun wakes up from its slumber- a  slumber that has felt longer than the usual. Its just this one night and its alright for the night.
Tonight trust me to bear the distance, understand the unsaid words, unleash the woven dreams.
Tonight, I'll deal with a life without you by side. Though jittery is the night and I wish the giggles from across the room adorned my face, I'll bear the night in lieu of your promise.
Your promise of a "million days together with you" again!
With you right here by my side, right here in this life and the hereafter!

Saturday, 3 August 2013

Lately, I expend every single moment of my being  wondering what life would be like when  I leave your streets. Whether the familiar faces and known spaces can be replaced  by the new found ones.  Whether my eyes will still gleam of innocent hope, of love found and love lost, of the images  of the shadows I memorised while walking up your alley.
Whether you'd miss my footprints, my unassuming happiness that filled me as I trode your lonely streets wet by the july rains.
Whether   the diamonds born on your path as the sun caressed your feet, will remember me like I remember them.

When I lash ceaselessly in attempts to let go of my pain,  onto the same shores we walked our nights and sketched our stories, build your fort, push me away.

But when the pain is gone and the sun lights up my skies again, take me in, break the walls and let me stay.

Wednesday, 24 July 2013

I don't remember when.. when it is that you transformed from a mere want into an insatiable need. 
Insatiable, unquenchable need!
When I retrospect, I realize you have been a part of me all the way through; even before my eyes placed yours in the crowded street. The boundaries, the timelines, they all seem blurred. My past before you seems to diminish at the mere sight of you, like its existence has been mulled over since your arrival. It all seems blur, like you've been filling the empty parts of me even before you stepped in.
I don't remember when you transformed from a mere want into a need .. but I believe, you have been a part of me, an obliterable part of me since my being.

Monday, 22 July 2013

tonight ill let u be... tonight ill set you free..
 sacrifice the night to the moon u long for.
 drench in her light, sleep in her calm
because tonight ill let you be.
Touch the breeze caressing your skin
sway along, play along
cuz tonight ill set you free.

unite with the tranquil seamless rivers,
feel its sutlety , entwine in its drama

tonight im setting you free.

Sunday, 21 July 2013


What are we, without a little bit of each other within us?
You and I are one; with the same reasons for existence, 
varying degrees but fighting the same battles.
What keeps our defragmenting world together
Is that we are of a single soul.

Nothing but it. Nothing but it.

What am I without you? 
An unsung song, an untold story
A world unexplored
Are you the same  without me?

Saturday, 20 July 2013

Before you let those three words flow through your lips, did you stop to think of the battles we'd have to fight? Whether when you and I, become "us", against the only world we ever knew, the wars we wage will be worth? Whether the hope in your eyes, will still gleam when all we have would be "us"?

Before you let those unspoken words take flight, should you think? 


Did I tell you this?
That more often than not, I've prayed that the nights didn't draw their curtains..
 For that one moment, one touch of life with you.  Just you.
That you are my essential , and are more a part of me than myself.
That more than seldom, I have felt time halting, so that you and I be. Just be.
The wet earth under our feet and the blanket of stars over our souls,
The tears on the morning leaves, the frown on the untrodden paths.. they are for us. All for us.
These words of mine, engraved deep in the stone that's my heart, they flow for you. Only for you.

Would you?

Would you love me,
if I wore my inside out?
If I tore my masks, undressed my soul?
The times I tell you life's my game,
would you see deeper  than my sculpted smiles?
When I have fallen apart,
and the pieces of me are scattered
beyond my comprehension,
would you fix me, help me find the missing bits?
Swaying , drifting, dancing to the tunes of this breeze
like the directionless fallen leaves
would you be my compass when I am lost?
When I am gone and  on my own,
would you still stand for the things I stood,
against the things they say?
When am reduced to nothing,
as I one day will be,
would you search beyond my fading aura?
I hope you do... I hope you do!

Monday, 17 June 2013

Castle of Time

Castles in the air - they are so easy to take refuge in. And so easy to build too.
-Henrik Ibsen 

I'm building our castle, a little each day. Every day, brick by brick, stone by stone, I'm building our castle a little each day. With the foundation of your selfless love, the care, the caressing and in awe of your power to sense the subtle nuances of the theater that is me; to know am flawed and still love every detail of mine…For you, I'm building our castle a little each day. Enshrining our memories and keeping them fortified, letting our sunshine peek through the little windows and the cracks made upon drying, trapping our moment within the fortress of its walls; I'm building our castle a little day. For the sparkle in my eye when I see you smile, the silent joy in finding a part of me in the flawless you, the selfish happiness that I need search no more, and the emptiness that fills me when you bid me adieu, the urges to turn back just one last time, did i tell you, for me, I’m building our castle a little each day?

So when one day you are gone, or I have no choice but to leave, our castle will stay. Through the cracks doubting its worth, and the tiny windows that once questioned its stability, the world will see our moments radiating out. And if my wish were to come true, they’ll enlighten our lives with the brilliance of the happiness we once shared.

Though bodies apart and souls away, untouched by time,  you and I and our memories will stay in the castle I’m building, a little each day.

Monday, 10 June 2013

Let me.

Let me give you all I have, all I can
Limitlessly like the pouring rain..
Through you, let me replenish my dying soul
Like the sun's first rays cleansing the doubtful clouds..

Sunday, 9 June 2013

Monsoon, you beauty!

And monsoon is also when you understand how truly beautiful it is to be the solitary traveller.
It rained all night today. There's an added beauty to the city when it rains. Life just seems to get a lot more meaningful. Sitting in the balcony, staring at the dense black sky that seemed to hide all there is in the heavens and beyond, I thought to myself:

More often than not, maybe we should take some time out. No matter how busy our lives get, would it harm to take a moment off for our lonely selves just to stare at the vastness of the firmament contemplating? The stars seems to sketch their own portraits.. do you too wonder what stories they are dying to tell? Once in a while maybe we can excuse ourselves from being utterly crazy just gazing at the stars, believing that time has taken a perfect halt just for us and understanding how small we really are in comparison to the universe. Yet, how huge a difference this small entity, say you and I, can make!  Aren't we too tiny a speck in the galaxy of time and space? Yet, powerful beyond measure?

I hope it rains more often.

Looking Through the Invisibility

Through joy, love and boundless ecstasy, through pain, agony and pangs of separation, through 21 years of my eventful existence I have learnt how life functions. Not a master of the art of living, but I have learnt more than just a little.. And the more I learn, the more aware I become that what I know is only the beginning. The beginning of acceptance of the intangible, impalpable yet extant mysteries of life; the inexplicable, densely elaborate and yet intricately woven cobwebs that we all are housed within.

Of all I learnt, the most excruciatingly difficult were the lessons of acceptance. Possibly because before I learnt to accept the rest of the world the way it is, I had to accept myself the way I was, the way I am, and the way I probably will be for the rest of my life. To see the world in gray, with no clear distinction of black or white requires a soul deep and brave; one that has been through the extremities of life; situations of life that you and I wouldn’t want to find ourselves in. while extending gratitude for the gift of good fate, it is also essential for you and I to learn these lessons from people that have seen enough to teach.

The world isn’t perfect, neither am I. unfortunately for me, it took me one too many instances to learn that. To embrace the fact that people are different, to understand the people that are different, to comprehend that there could be a heart-wrenching, nerve wrecking story behind the beautifully sculpted elusive smiles on their faces, and the eyes that once gleamed of joy and hope are now dry because one too many tears of silence and sorrow have already been shed, takes time; it requires an elegance of the heart that only a few have. Achieving such depths in soul might take a lifetime of comprehension, but it is our responsibility to strive towards such elegance. All we see of a stranger, and sometimes sadly of our closest associations is what is skin-deep. More often than not we refuse to look within them, and to see beyond what they portray,  just as the resistance we show in shedding our own masks.

 I’m convinced that if all of us take just a moment; stop being judgmental for the tiniest fraction of a second and rekindle the already extant courage within us to embrace their worlds just as easily we embraced ours, we would all have different stories to tell. Stories devoid of hatred, pain, abuses and differences.. differences that shouldn’t have been there in the first place, and if extant by fate or accidents of birth, differences that we as human beings should not have let grow; differences of social status, wealth, opportunities, abilities and sometimes even the very chance to live by choice.

I’ve learnt that there’s innate beauty in empathy; in largeness of heart to accept and love.  That it is okay to enjoy the gift of destiny, to be able to go to a pricey restaurant and savour the customized dishes waiting for you as long as you do not refuse to look beyond its glass doors to see in the eyes of the ill-clad man how disadvantageously he wishes to forge ahead through just one more day. I hope someday, we can all be the hope in the eyes of many like him. That we can all, in our own little ways, curb the hunger of at least one person a day.

Life’s has not been very easy; no one ever said it is going to be. With boundless happiness, i have also known limitless pain. But knowing pain, i learnt it is not always destructive.  There’s also constructive pain; it solely depends on the sufferer in what direction life moves forward after having been halted for a while.

Then there’s love, and the vulnerability that comes along with it. Being vulnerable is a beautiful thing; to give your heart away to a stranger without knowing in entirety what the future holds. Love is an amalgam of all things beautiful in a single entity- courage, hope, optimism, nostalgia and the sudden surges of melancholy. You can be wrong in love, you can make mistakes, over and over again, and sometimes still not learn, because for once you are letting your heart speak, for once you're listening to only what the heart has to say. Love can break you, shatter you beyond repair, destroy you. But give it that one chance, because while it lasts, it IS beautiful. There's pain associated with love at all times; may sorts of it. The pain of separation,  the changing wavelengths, the stings of possession.. the pangs of separation will eat you alive each day, but when it does, let it.  Let it claw deep into your soul and bring alive the romantic in you- the writer, the artist, the poet. While love lasts, it will complete you, like nothing else ever did, like nothing ever possibly can!

Love might not always be a presage of  better times ahead. It will end, and when it does it will kill you. the parts of you that you didn't know existed will ache in agony. Pieces of you will sing melancholy ragas that you can't harmonize into compositions. When nothing makes sense, let them be. Give things time, and just be. Because there's nothing more divine and more pristine as the very ability to love- the very concept of risking all you ever had in hope of achieving all you'd ever want!

*to be continued*

'Religious' debacle

When we planned to shift back to India in 2008, my country was definitely not the least communalist. Being a Muslim didn't make it all easy. I wrote this for a competition in school, not for the sake of the competition but as a medium of finally venting what I felt. With a few tears shed and these few words penned down, I felt calmer, but 5 years hence when I look around  nothing here has changed. 

Cannons, guns, tear-gas- everywhere around
People claiming lives on their religions’ ground
A world has come, of which never had I thought
They laughed at their glory, while the innocent fought..

To prove their blood, they began their war
Little did they know my belief was at par
What had I done in my old and young??
They ruined my race; their glory they sung!!

A convolution of bodies, for days it has been
Not a loving soul, for years I have seen 
I glance upon the pools of blood
Lamenting their deeds, my eyes now flood

Dreamt I had, of a marvellous world
My life I have lost, my dreams they have hurled...
Has it added to the gems in their crown?
Nothing can I do, but revile and frown!!

I believed they would aid me shine
Among the carcasses, they left me whine 
They shattered my woven dreams
As death murks, my silence screams

Estranged are our enigmatic minds
And folded with darkness’ blinds... 
They killed my folks while asleep
Sorrows after sorrows, now I reap!! 

They walked off with fulfilled dreams
Drowning us in bloody streams
What had I done in my old and young??
They ruined my race; their glory they sung!! 

My silent scream was loud indeed
They walked away with a well-done deed

Their wretched wrath the dawn did see
With love, so much dearer our worlds would be
The timeless virtues are now far dead
Where would my life in the future head??
Show me once more my ecstatic world
A world where the truth is no longer hurled!!

Gone is the insouciance of my youth
A populace destroyed by hearts of no ruth... 
What had I done in my old and young??
They ruined my race; their glory they sung!! 

Oh good Lord!! Forgive their sin!!
For I truly believe, they are my kin!! 
Do they bear hearts so cold??
Do they endure the sights they behold?

Vanished from my youth are those frivolous days
When I amorously extolled the flowers of May
The gardens have deflowered; the streets have turned red
I walk through the road- now the corpses’ bed

Peace and love have grown too old
Terror and death now unfold
What had I done in my old and young??
They ruined my race, and their glory they sung!! 

No caste, no faith, no creed
Teaches them to slay for greed
Let’s now resolve to start anew
For an enlightened world- for me and you!!

O slayer!! Heed the innocent wry
I have no tears left to dry
Let the divergence die aside
In a blissful Heaven we shall abide!!

Eternal virtues if we blend
This bloody riot we would end
I crave to travel the same old road
And gaze the old deceased religious node

Tomorrow is new; a fresh sun would bask
For nothing but tranquility I would now ask
Browse the lexicon for a word called love
It’s shown before religion, the virtue- love!!

Secret Rendezvous

"Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing,there is a field. I'll meet you there.
When the soul lies down in that grass,the world is too full to talk about.Ideas, language, even the phrase "each other" doesn't make any sense."
 Written four years back, I can't quite figure out why or for whom!                                                  

 I stand in the battle field of life

All through the years, saw nothing but strife
My forfeiture's the talk of the town
In spite of the might, I fall down

My soul thirsted for your fulgent smiles
But every minute, you proved the miles
You weren't there, you were never here
Nowhere beside, no where near

As days drew their curtains, the more I lost
In my own very world, sans love, I frost
The dark times, the lonely days, the empty street
My heart bruised, yet hoped we would meet

As the night smiled n day died,
You would come, my heart lied
My silent wry was loud enough to hear
And yet to my need, you paid a deaf ear

Didn't want to appear so weak
I smiled, even knowing the future was bleak
I see the flowers smiling, all aglow
To the populace, never let my feelings show

Wouldn't ask you to indemnify
Because u are the one people glorify
The nefarious devil, my joy enfolds
Your true colors to me, u unfold

The good old days are part of history
N my trials to the world would be a mystery

Oh.. I hear the call.. a silent knock!
The mighty killer, death, at my tears mock
I leave my world with unshared pain
An untold story, I still remain...


With every step forward, the pain intensified..
Drenching her in sweats of hurt
A spasm of desperation taking over
Holding on to her glacial torso

In a cobweb of misery, rejection, failure
Happiness moving further away
As she stretched her arms but in vain
To feel the warm evening zephyr

Dying for a little sufferance
For the person she was
Than what they wished her to be
On knees asking for acceptance

As she stared into the vastness of firmament
She saw the vista fading
A horizon so bleak, so stark
Blinding her from all joy

Deep inside, a confused soul unvoiced
Trying hard to break away
From its solitary confinement
To a reality more radiant

In vain, the squelching pain
Bound her in a chain so strong
With every attempt to free herself
She found herself in stronger bounds

With tears running down her expressionless face
She drowned a little more in agony
She heard the melancholy raga
Reminding her of the things gone wrong

Yet to the world, she hid the pain
The pain of suffering, in her elusive smile
Draping her face in a well-knit mask
Hiding from the world, her unhappy self

She walked away among the crowd
Unnoticed, a stranger to remain
In a world so caught in its own bliss
Hoping the world was better than she knew..